Grief

"I've learned that one can never go back, that one should not ever try to go back. The essence of life is going forward. Life is really a one way street." (Miss Marple) "The thing is, we can't change the past; we can only learn from it. Nothing good comes of letting your heart be divided - part sitting in the past, part here , part in the future. We need to approach life with a whole heart." (Vonette Bright and Nancy Moser) "my life has become a dark moment. I can't see my way past it.(Linda Nichols) Each of these people are talking about grief. Grief is sorrow, anguish, pain and depression. Grief is also anxiety, confusion, dismay, apathy, disappointment, resentment, inadequacy, fear, loss, sadness loneliness, ."helplessness, abandonment. It affects health by making me very tired, tense, have stomach aches, difficulty sleeping, nightmares. The most embarrassing thing for me was forgetfulness. The doctor said that half my brain was keeping me from crying, etc., and the other half was listening to whomever I was talking too. Also any time I pushed myself I got a terrible headache. Again my half brain was just getting tired. There is no way around grief. We must allow ourselves to grieve. We must also not allow others to make us feel less because we are suffering the effects of grieving. Remember that God is always with us and He understands our suffering and pain. Psalm 146"9 "He relieves the fatherless and widows." We will never forget but grief will eventually become easier to handle.

Great Joy

I think the place to start is to find out, for sure, where my husband is now. C. S. Lewis said, "so they lived in great joy and if ever they remembered their life in this world it was only as one remembers a dream." My husband is living in great joy. How do I know? The Bible says, "For all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God" and it also gives the result of that sin. "For the wages of sin is death". We are in an impossible position. We cannot be good enough not to sin and the result of sin is death. And then Jesus came, was born a perfect man and died , not for His sins but for ours. "The Gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." My husband had accepted God's Gift of forgiveness of sins and eternal life. He lives forever in heaven in great joy.

Life as a Widow

I'm going to change the focus of my blog to the subject of widowhood. Tea Cups and Candles are like comfort-food to the widow. I can only speak of my experience as a widow. Other women have different experiences but for me this is what it was like. I had to close down his business, sell all the vehicles (just barely saving my car), sell my home, getting rid of most of my things, move, doing all this trying to remain stoic, managing everything myself. My one son helped tremendously with all this as it was the hardest part for me. The Memorial Service went very well and each of my children and grandchildren that wanted to had a part. Marvin was cremated so there wasn't a burial plot. All this was difficult but not nearly as difficult as life to come.

Waters Gone By

I am so glad to get back on my blog.' You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as the waters gone by'. I'm praying this will be true for me.  . Handling everything by myself isn't natural to me and I can't seem to get the hang of it. I also can't seem to find myself a good place. I do things one at a time or ignore them altogether. I know I couldn't have gotten through college this way but then there was hope. My dad kept asking me which college I wanted to go too. I just kept putting my decision off. Finally at Christmas Break he loaded all of us in the car and we went up to visit Iowa State. He signed me up, got me a dorm room and for I was enrolled for my freshman year. I graduated and then married.  I had wanted to travel and teach overseas.  I'm not sure how I thought I was going to do that. I was younger however now I am wiser. My job is to manage my life by myself with God's help.  I hope to get to a place where I can forget the trouble and recall it only as the waters gone by.

A New Life

I am starting a new life. My husband died and I have felt stuck in a dark place. But I want to get my life going. I know what I want my life to look like. I'm just not sure how to get from here to there. My first goal is to have healthy meals and start walking every day. Next I want to start attending church and become involved there. It seems that there is no real place[ for a woman without a husband. I want my life to have purpose and also to have creative activity. my skills are teaching and encouragement of others. I want to get my creativity and music back. Lord I don't know what to do but my eyes are on you.

Change

Change is a fact of life.  I don't like change.  College, marriage, teaching, four children in seven years, Grandma'-Nana 'death, dad's death,  Marvin's death, mom's death two older cousins death,  aunts and uncles gone. I am now a widow - something I never thought I'd be.  I don't have the skills a widow needs-taxes, budget, confrontation, independence. making important decisions.  I was a good wife but those aren't the skills I need.  The only non-changing thing in my life is that I am a child of the King of Kings.